Monday, January 7, 2019
Friday, December 28, 2018
Starring: Olivia Colman, Emma Stone, Rachel Weisz.
Summary: Two cousins vie for power at Queen Anne's court in early-18th century England. Part historical fact, part speculation, part fiction.
Verdict: It's an entertaining, well-made film. The three leads acquit themselves well as vicious women who are still deserving of sympathy.
Sunday, December 23, 2018
So apparently the blood pressure pills weren't enough. I'm on them plus a different kind now.
The madre visited, so I bought her lunch at a Mexican place in North Park.
Found a couple free movie sites on YouTube, so there might be some reviews soon.
I had been supportive of Kasia Gregorczyk, a local TV news reporter, on Twitter. But she cold shouldered me, so whatever I guess. I'm used to it by now.
I really feel like I'm in the world just so people can shit on me. There's no point to my life. There's no way to win.
I feel like getting back to writing, but I'm just not in the right mind set ever.
Just finished a short story collection by Mary Gaitskill. Rated it 4 of 5 stars.
Horrible customer service form Barnes & Noble. Not just one thing, but a series that involved in-store staff, online, and phone reps.
Wednesday, December 19, 2018
Melissa Broder: Bringing a child into the world without its consent seems unethical. Leaving the womb just seems insane. The womb is nirvana.
Me: I think the world has an overpopulation problem. There are also some horrible places and some ill-equipped parents. But it's not always unethical. Some babies might love the womb, while others might feel trapped.
Broder: Nobody asks to be born.
Me: Well, of course. But I think this is an argument to legalize suicide. Not complain about involuntary birth which is always involuntary. Take your eighteen years to check out the scene. Then if you want out - it's your body your choice. Or it should be.
Broder: I am a superficial woman of depth.
Me: I don't think that's unusual. I have plenty of interests that would qualify as superficial, but I still care about important issues.
Broder: Like any relationship, my relationship with god keeps evolving the longer I stay in it.
Me: I just don't know. I posted a mediocre poem on this topic, but I'm too lazy to look it up. I think the absentee landlord tag makes sense. I think people believe in a loving god because they want to believe in that. With or without a god, I don't see how something was created out of nothing. Neither the deists or the atheists have been able to explain this to my satisfaction.
Broder: The Internet means I get to be with people without leaving the house. Also, I can be anybody I want to be.
Me: I appreciate the convenience. But it is less personal. The quicker connections and mass connections have replaced the deeper connections. I don't feel like I can be anybody I want to be. At least not how I use the Internet. I might emphasize or downplay certain aspects of my personality depending on where I am online, but I'm always my same basic self.
Broder: Since I'm a white girl, the cops have never fucked with me.
Me: Well, which part matters here? The gender or the color? I'm a white man, and I've definitely been hassled by cops. So spare me the b.s. that cops are all angels until they see somebody who isn't white.
Broder: I feel bad about my struggle, because it is nothing compared to other people's struggles and yet it still hurts.
Me: We're dealt the hand we're dealt. She has it better than a lot of people, but she also has it worse than a lot of people. Other people having it worse doesn't mean she has a perfectly awesome, easy life. I feel like my life is worthless and I want it to be over, but that doesn't mean I'm not conscious of the fact that a lot of people have way more crap to make them unhappy. I think people can feel like they have problems or are struggling while still being aware of the larger picture.
Broder: Scared of what life is and if I am wasting mine.
Me: Well, she's a professional writer and a wife. So I don't think she's wasting her life. I think my life has been a waste. Or a failure or whatever. But our situations are wildly different.
Broder: All I want from you is to be liked.
Me: I think most people want to be liked. It takes different forms: followers on social media, number of real life friends, a lover or a spouse, a best friend, etc. But yeah - humans are usually social creatures to at least some extent.
Sunday, December 16, 2018
Chelsea Hodson: I've worked for enough millionaires to know that more money doesn't mean more happiness.
Me: Doesn't it, though? More money means better health, better housing, better transportation, better food, better entertainment options, more and better social contacts, more influence, etc. For men, more and better romantic and sexual opportunities. So money in itself might not make people happy, but it certainly makes it a lot easier to be happy by eliminating obstacles.
Hodson: How lovely to be young enough not to know any better.
Me: Yes. I used to think life was worth it. I bought the lie that things would get better.
Hodson: I romanticize the desert because there's so much quiet, so much empty space.
Me: So Hodson lives in New York City. Not sure if it matters here, but it might. I live in a large city after growing up in a much smaller city, and it can be overwhelming at times. The people, the traffic, the noise, etc.
Hodson: How can I trust love if I can't ever truly touch it?
Me: I don't know what it's like to be loved. But I've been burnt enough to know that I can't trust people. For her, maybe it's different. Winners vs losers and such. But yeah - we can touch people but not always know how they truly think about us. How deep or genuine their expressed feelings are.
Hodson: It took me years to realize silence could be an insult and was actually the worst insult.
Me: Silence as ignoring, as in not caring enough to make any effort at all. I live in an apartment building, so I can't die without people smelling it. But I don't think anybody would really care. I don't need to realize irrelevance or lack of worth, because I've lived it. I'm used to it.
Hodson: Everyone is so obvious, and we flatter ourselves by thinking otherwise.
Me: I'm definitely aware of how obvious I am. Ha. Just not sure if it makes me stupid or boring. Perhaps both. Maybe this is why my attempts at writing have failed. I lack finesse. I'm too simplistic. I contain a few, as opposed to Whitman's multitudes.
Wednesday, December 12, 2018
Been a while, so this might get a bit random.
The local newspaper that had been doing the NFL pick 'em contest didn't do it this season. So I wasn't able to win anything. Ha.
My barber left the place. She was a good one. Tried somebody else at the same place, and she did the cut right, but I'm disappointed with some of the peripheral stuff. Like her lack of listening skills.
So I'm disappointed in Last Exit. I was led to believe it would be separate from City Beat, but apparently that's not the case. Heavy involvement from CB, with their infamous identity politics.
I saw At Eternity's Gate. Dafoe was good, but the director got too cute. Too artsy.
My father died.
My dental issues keep getting worse. But I got a multi-month supply of blood pressure pills without having to go back to the E.R., so we'll see what I can afford I guess.
Been donating Hot Wheels to various toy drives. Put together a bag of hygiene products for a homeless drive, but I had to go with Axe Essence in case they get hassled and the cops aren't down with Anarchy.
Britt got a nursing job, so she's not at the coffee house anymore. You may read about her here: