Saturday, April 30, 2016

A to Z Challenge: Z

Z is for zed.  Today is the last day of the challenge. Enjoy this Z to A poem, if you can. 

Guest Roles

Zombies are eating brains for dinner.
X marks the spot
Where I

Uh oh!
They see us,
Smell us, or hear us.
Run, Forest Whitaker, run!
Quickly but quietly, good thespian.
Parts on AMC shows
Only come occasionally,
Not like Lauren Cohan.

Meat is murder, Morrissey
Lamented.  But these slow-moving
Killers don’t seem to care about
Jurisprudence.  Let’s discuss our escape route,
Ignoring the lame script in favor of oddly
Humorous ad libs…  It’s just a prop gun, Forest.
Getting upset won’t help. While the zombies
Feast on your abdomen, I will hurry forth,
Eluding the undead for another episode.

Don’t cry, just because my agent is better
Connected than yours. One
Bullet between the eyes
And you can go on Dancing with the Stars.   

Here's Ms. Cohan, demonstrating the proper teeth brushing technique:

I leave you with this, dear reader: 

Friday, April 29, 2016

Film Friday

(My A to Z Challenge post went up earlier today.)  

Today, we celebrate the birthdays of Michelle Pfeiffer and Uma Thurman.  Let's get to it.

Dangerous Liaisons (1988):  Michelle was nominated for the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her performance in this film about the French 1%.   

Fabulous Baker Boys (1989):  Michelle sings, and gets nominated for the Best Actress Oscar.

Batman Returns (1992):  Michelle gets a bit catty. 

Gattaca (1997):  Sci-fi futuristic Uma. Do you know why it's called Gattaca?

Kill Bill (2003): Spoiler alert: Uma kills people. 

A to Z Challenge: Y

Y is for Yale Alumni:

Noah Webster, Cole Porter, Vincent Price, both President Bushes, Paul Newman, Oliver Stone, Samuel Morse, President Gerald Ford, Bill Clinton, President William Howard Taft, Thornton Wilder, Nathan Hale, and many other notable people who aren't particularly attractive.

Jennifer Connelly attended but transferred:

Jodie Foster graduated magna cum laude, with a degree in Literature.

Y is for Yiddish:

Oy Vey:

Y is for Yoda:

Y is for Yoga:

Y is for YouTube:
Anna Silk as Deb the flight attendant:

A link to Welcome to Nightvale, hopefully:

Al Pacino, in Any Given Sunday:

Al Michaels, calling the end of "The Miracle on Ice":

Last one:

Thursday, April 28, 2016

A to Z Challenge: X


He calls her a slut:
He who always has a condom
ready in his wallet.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

A to Z Challenge: W

Today is a 55-word story and a weird essay-type piece about writing.


I sit in the waiting room with a cup of coffee and a gift shop paperback.  I drift through a paragraph, the words going in one eye and out the other.  So I read it again.  Amy should wake up soon.  I hope by then I’ll know a good way to tell her she miscarried.

Why Do I Write?

I write because I’m human. I think words matter. As it was in Eden, when Adam and Lilith argued over the definition of ‘is’.
I write because nobody cares. Even the Good Samaritan crosses over to the other side of the road. Now he’s pretending to take a call on his cell phone. What a tool.
I write because I lost my best creations.  Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night, screaming ‘The dingo took my babies!'  I know I’ll never get them back, so I keep popping out new ones.
I write because somewhere there is censorship. The rebellious ones fill pages with their defiance, smuggling them out in coffins and guitars.
I write because I can’t draw or paint. The museum docents broke my fingers for my obscene use of turquoise.
I write because better writers have sold out. They linger in the midnight shadows on Eighth Avenue, flaunting their fish-netted chapters.
I write because I went to bed with a metaphor and woke up like a simile.
I write because I can kill a man with my words. Sentence him to death, one might say.
I write because I slid my pen between her thighs and she smiled.
I write because I enjoy a double entendre in the morning.
I write because sometimes a warm pen is the best substitute for a warm body.
I write because notebooks are cheaper than therapy.
I write because I’m more evolved than the apes. Supposedly.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

A to Z Challenge: V

V is for Villain.  So let's get to it.

Wicked Witch of the West:  Why can't I get a date on Friday night? Is it my make-up?  Is it my name?  Is it my bonding with weird monkeys?

Ernst Stavro Blofeld:  Posing for an early cover of Cat Fancy magazine. 

Darth Vader:  Just hold on with one hand and reach for me with your other hand, Luke.  Oh wait - you can't.  Bwahahahahaha!!!!!

Meredith Johnson:  Notice the fear in the innocent male's eyes, as the merciless female stalks her prey.  As women do.

Dr. Evil:  Saving money on shampoo, like a boss. 

Question for Readers:  Did you notice the close resemblance between the Wicked Witch of the West and Meredith Johnson?