Monday, December 5, 2016

An Elliptical Gifting Guide

1.  For somebody with a short name:  the acrostic gift package.
Example:  for Beth, you might give her a book, ether, tea, and a hula hoop.

2.  For somebody who's significantly wealthier than you:  a donation to a worthy non-profit in his or her name.

3.  For somebody who likes variety:  the five senses package: a small gift each for sight, touch, taste, hear, and smell.

4.  For somebody who likes variety but doesn't answer your drunken 3 AM phone calls:  the mind, body, and soul package.  (three items instead of five)

5.  For a single, sexy female:  a subscription to The View from the Third Floor.

6.  If you're an artist:  art.

7.  If you're a drug dealer:  drugs.

Disclaimer:  Elliptical Man does not participate in holiday shenanigans, but advises.         


  1. Lol, this is one of the most unusual gift guides I’ve come across. I’m just getting everybody books.

    Aj @ Read All The Things!

    1. I think somebody already posted a book gift guide. I defer to her expertise. :)

  2. Could I not get a book about booze for my friend whom i do call at 3am?

    1. Of course you can.

      My goal in life is to inspire, not command.

  3. This is terrific. I especially love how one can't quite tell if these are serious or tongue in cheek. Or, I suppose, both.