1. For somebody with a short name: the acrostic gift package.
Example: for Beth, you might give her a book, ether, tea, and a hula hoop.
2. For somebody who's significantly wealthier than you: a donation to a worthy non-profit in his or her name.
3. For somebody who likes variety: the five senses package: a small gift each for sight, touch, taste, hear, and smell.
4. For somebody who likes variety but doesn't answer your drunken 3 AM phone calls: the mind, body, and soul package. (three items instead of five)
5. For a single, sexy female: a subscription to The View from the Third Floor.
6. If you're an artist: art.
7. If you're a drug dealer: drugs.
Disclaimer: Elliptical Man does not participate in holiday shenanigans, but advises.